Advancing the Education, Prevention, Research & Treatment of Eating Disorders

How to Help a Friend or Family Member

Learn about eating disorders so you will recognize the signs when you see them.
Understand the consequences of eating disorders on physical and psychological health. Eating disorders are potentially fatal diseases and must be treated accordingly.
Listen to the individual with understanding, respect, and sensitivity.
Tell the person you are concerned, you care, and you would like to help. Suggest that the person seek professional help from a physician and/or therapist.
Be available when your friend or family member needs someone with whom to talk.
Discuss things other than food, weight, counting calories, and exercise. Attempt to talk about feelings instead.
Share your own vulnerabilities and struggles in coping with life.

Don't take any action alone. Get help.
Don't try to solve the problem for her. She needs a qualified professional.
Don't blame her for doing something wrong or tell her she is acting silly.
Don't gossip about her.
Don't focus on weight, the number of calories being consumed, or particular eating habits.
Don't make comments about her appearance. Concern about weight loss may be interpreted as a compliment, and comments about weight gain may be seen as criticism.
Don't be afraid to upset her; talk with her.
Don't reject or ignore her; she needs you.
Don't get involved in a power struggle around eating or other symptoms.
Don't be deceived by her excuses.

Examine your own beliefs and feelings about body image and weight and consider how these might be communicated to your children in your attitudes, comments, or nonverbal responses.
Encourage healthy eating and exercise.
Allow your child to determine when he/she is full.
Talk about different body types and how they can all be accepted and appreciated.
Discuss the dangers of dieting.
Show your children you love them for who they are inside, not because of how they look.

The culture of disordered eating is pervasive in our society. Following are ways we might affect eating behavior without even knowing it:

Praising or glorifying a person based on body size or appearance.
Complimenting someone when she loses weight or diets.
Encouraging someone to lose weight.
Talking negatively about our bodies.
Discussing measurements, weights, or clothing sizes.
Thinking of foods as "good" or "bad."
Making fun of another person's eating habits or food choices.
Criticizing your own eating.
Considering a person's weight important.
Saying someone is "healthy" or "well" because she is thin.
Expecting perfection.
Pushing an individual to exercise more than is necessary or healthy.
Assuming that a fat person wants or needs to lose weight.
Agreeing with the media's view about what body types are acceptable or attractive.

Tips for kids:

No food is "good" or "bad." Everything from pizza to carrots to peanut butter and candy can be part of a healthy menu.
Eat when you are hungry. Stop when you are full.
Don't eat because you are bored, sad, or angry. Find something interesting to do or someone to talk with instead.
Stay fit by exercising! You can take up a sport or join a class like dance or karate, but you don't have to. Playing with friends can be just as energizing and fun!
All bodies are different. People of all shapes and sizes can eat well and be healthy.
Teasing hurts. Don't take part in it, especially if it is about a person's body, weight, or size.
Remember that fat does not equal bad and thin does not equal good.
If you're unhappy with your body or weight, talk to an adult. Parents, school nurses, and teachers can often give you valuable information and support.