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A Parent's Role in Recovery
Question:
After the initial confrontation about my daughter's ed, I'm not
sure how to relate to her in terms of her illness. I don't know
if I should take a tough love approach or "coddle" her.
Should we speak openly about what we are thinking or tread lightly
and just ask questions about how therapy went and assume she will
talk about it if she wants. How involved should I be with the therapist?
I feel like she is treating my daughter but not really discussing
her methods, etc? Thanks for any help and direction you can offer.
Answer:
As you are experiencing, an eating disorder affects not just the
person with the eating disorder symptoms, but also the people who
care about her. Your willingness to think about and perhaps adjust
or change your interactions with her to aid her recovery can be
a great contribution to the healing process. Unfortunately, there
is no single best approach or recipe that fits every person or family
or even the same person and family at all times.
You do not mention your daughter's age. Age and stage of development
are one of the factors influencing what are appropriate and helpful
roles for parents in the recovery process. When parents are still
responsible for the care and financial support of younger women
and girls, parents are usually involved in the psychotherapy process
to some degree. This involvement ranges from information-oriented
family meetings to actual family therapy sessions where family issues
and problems are addressed. At The Renfrew Center, we find that
the participation of families or other loved ones in the treatment
of eating disorders can make an important contribution to growth
and change for women of all ages.
I suggest that you talk directly with your daughter about what
she thinks would be helpful or unhelpful to her. It may also be
useful to talk with her and her therapist about how you might best
support your daughter's work in her therapy.
In addition, I have three recommendations for you:
Learn more about eating disorders to help you understand what your
daughter is going through. Check out our reading list at Resources
For the General Public for good resources and information.
Take care of yourself. Reach out for support, attend groups for
families and friends of people struggling with eating disorders,
take time to deal with your own feelings and distress so that you
can continue to be available and supportive to your daughter.
Reach out to your daughter as a person. She is struggling with
an eating disorder and she is more than her eating disorder. Ask
her about her life, feelings, fears, hopes and day-to-day experiences
and build a positive connection that can be a resource to her in
this crisis and beyond.
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