How Should I Act When She Comes Home?

Question:

My sister is at an eating disorder facility in Philadelphia right now called The Renfrew Center. I was wondering how I should act or behave when she comes home? I was hoping that you could help me. Thanks a million

Answer:

It is so upsetting when you discover that someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder. Many family members only realize this when the person enters a treatment program, so that even though getting intensive help is a very positive step, the seriousness of the situation is often a shock. I hope there are people you can talk with about how it is for you to have your sister in treatment for her eating disorder.

It is good to hear your concern for your sister and your desire to help her when she returns home. Your willingness to consider the effect of your behavior on her and your initiative in learning about how to help can be a precious gift to your sister.

I recommend that you read Surviving an Eating Disorder A Guide for Family and Friends for practical ideas about dealing with the issues that come up when living with someone who is struggling with an eating disorder. I also encourage you to participate as many family therapy sessions, Multiple Family Groups and Sundays at Renfrew Seminars as you are able to while your sister is in the residential treatment program. Understanding your own sister and family and learning from the other families in treatment and from the staff will validate your feelings and experiences and guide you in responding to your sister's ongoing recovery from an eating disorder.

It is important to remember that recovery from an eating disorder is a process. You and your sister will probably have to experiment to learn what is most helpful and healthy for both of you. I hope you will be able to talk directly about what works and doesn't work and share your experiences of how that changes over time. What may feel necessary or supportive or comforting at one stage of recovery may feel very different at another time.

I can also recommend a novel, My Sister's Bones by Cathi Hanauer which tells the story of a young woman whose sister is struggling with anorexia (and is treated in a place very different from The Renfrew Center). It is both tragic and funny and may resonate with some aspects of your experiences.