Using the Word "Fat"
Question:
Does the word "fat", make people who are overweight mad
when I use it in my vocabulary? This might sound like a dumb question.
However I just don't know, honestly. My first instinct would tell
me that a skinny guy has a lot to learn about what my overweight
friends are thinking about their problems. I would also like to
ask: Should I offer my advice about weight control and excercise.
Answer:
These are good questions (not dumb at all). It is great to hear
that you want to understand what your friends think of their food,
weight and/or body image issues and your concern about the impact
of your comments on their feelings.
Though our culture places a great deal of emphasis on appearance
and weight is regarded as a very important aspect of appearance,
not everyone reacts to these messages in the same way. People of
any weight may feel sensitive to the word "fat" because
it has such negative connotations. Even an underweight person who
hears the work "fat" in reference to someone else may
be reminded of the impossibly thin female beauty ideal, and begin
to think of herself in a critical way. (The pressures on men are
not quite so intense, but many men also struggle with body image
anxieties). On the other hand, there are some people of all sizes
who feel comfortable in their bodies and are not offended when someone
uses the word "fat" in a non-offensive way, for example,
as a simple descriptor, "a fat crayon". Fat jokes and
negative remarks about your own or others’ fatness contribute
to a culture of weightism (defining and judging a person’s
worth by their weight) which is hurtful to everyone. Visit the National
Association to Advance Fat Acceptance to get the perspective of
the size acceptance movement.
I would not assume that someone has a problem with weight control
or wants advice unless they say so. Since issues having to do with
one’s body are so personal, you need to develop an understanding
of each of your friends as an individual. You may want to begin
by sharing your own concern that your use of the word "fat"
may cause anger, hurt or other feelings and talking about your wish
to learn more about how your friend views these issues.
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