Should I Tell My Mother?

Question:

i haven't been eating that much for the last few months. I keep looking at myself at the mirror to see how fat I am. I'm 13 years old and i weigh 108lbs. is that healthy for a girl that's 5'1? I feel I'm fat cause I see guys checking out girls who are way thinner than me. Every morning i feel a little hungry(7:00a.m.) and just starve myself until like 5:00p.m. I don't know what to do cause now when I am hungry, i feel sick and dizzy. I haven't told my mother about this but i am willing to tell her if i have some support from you. Well answer my questions,please,and suggestions on what I should do.

signed,

unsure

Answer:

I certainly want to support you in trying to talk with your mother about what is going on with you. I can't be sure how it will work out for you, but in general I do believe it is worth it to take a chance and reach out to someone close to you when you are in this kind of situation. Your feelings of sickness and dizziness are telling you that you have a problem and you and your mother may be able to work together to deal with this. You may also want or need to talk to someone outside your family like a doctor or a therapist to help you.

The first step is to talk to your mother. It is very important to tell her what you have been doing (starving yourself) and how it has been effecting you (feeling sick and dizzy). You are not eating enough and you need to eat more. This is not something your mother can do for you, but perhaps you can think of ways that she can be encouraging to you around this. Would it be helpful to talk to a doctor, or a nutritionist? Would you like to have company or support at mealtimes? You may not know what will be helpful ahead of time, so you will probably have to experiment and continue to talk with each other about what works and what doesn't.

You may also want to risk telling your mother what you have been thinking (that you are fat) and what you have been feeling (about yourself, about boys). Perhaps there are other things going on that are making you feel unhappy or unsure of yourself that would be good to talk with your mother about. Again, it may not be easy for you and your mother to know how to talk about the things that are bothering you. Often parents and children have to learn and relearn how to talk to each other as they each grow older.

I encourage you to reach out to your mother and hope you are able to be patient with yourself, with your mother, and with the communication process. Good luck!