Revealing My Wound, Finding Help
Question:
I`ve been dealing with my eating-disorder since I am 15, read every
book,saw every movie and believe to know alot about my problem.
Although I never considered myself as a "true" anorexic
I`ve been showing almost all the symptoms of anorexia. In the last
13 years I learned to deal with my changing weight (I am 5"7
and weight 105-135lbs) and didnt panic in my "fat" times,
but every opportunity of losing the weight (sickness,stress,grieve)
was welcome .
I always knew that if I would reach a certain point (weight) it
could become dangerous for me. Recently I lost 20 lbs due to a change
in my life and the separation from my family. In addition I didnt
get my period for the first time of my life.My mind is now split
into 2 parts of which the one wants to lose more weight and is happy
about the missing period and the other one tries to realize the
danger. The enjoying part is in this moment very strong , thats
why I am looking for help.
Since I have never talked about this with anybody (not even with
my husband)I dont know what to do.I would like to go to an outpatient
therapy but I dont know how to find the right place and a right
therapist. On top of this I dont know how much this kind of therapy
would cost and if my health insurance would cover it.
Letting my husband know about my problems would help alot,but I
need to be ready and to find the right moment for this. Talking
to everybody after such a long time of silence seems to me very
uncomfortable and it would be a big surprise since I am known for
my very strong personality. I would have to show everybody my real
wound point and I am not sure if I would be strong enough to deal
with the reactions.
What I would like to know from you is how I get the help I need.
I am sure that there must be the right treatment center for me out
there. I would appreciate it if you could answer my questions and
send me an address or telephone numbers where I could reach out
for help.
Thank you so much.
Answer:It sounds as though you have trying to handle your eating problems
on your own for a long time and now you are ready for the next step:
reaching out for help. You write about your personal relationships
and psychotherapy, two of the most important aspects of recovery.
Although you worry about revealing your vulnerability, you need
support for the part of you that wants the healthy life you deserve,
to help you persevere through the process of finding the help you
need.
You are not alone in facing these challenges. Something Fishy's
Eating Disorder Site has a whole section called Reach Out for Help
with good ideas and discussion about how to begin to develop the
resources you need for the work of recovery. Areas focusing on finding
the kind of therapist you want and how to pay for treatment are
included. Mirror Mirror, a sister site, offers a discussion of the
issues involved in Telling Someone.
Your previous work on your eating disorders issues has alerted
you to the fact that losing weight to the point of missing your
period is a danger sign. Now it is time to act on this awareness
before the eating disorder gains momentum. I hope you will have
the experience so many people have had of discovering the joys of
the deeper connection with your loved ones which can develop when
you risk greater honesty and vulnerability.
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