I Hate Lying

Question:

Hi - this is really hard for me, but I feel it's something I need to do. I've been anorexic/bulimic for almost two years now, I've been hospitalized three times for suicide attempts, have made recoveries and slipped back, and I'm doing it again. Any suggestions on finding a good therapist? I've had three, but I find myself lying to them and my doctor. What's really getting me down is now that they've gotten me to start eating again, I've been binging, and sometimes purging. I was somewhat happy at the weight I was at, but now I've gained twenty pounds. I've quit eating again, and started excercising compulsively. I hate lying to my parents and my boyfriend, but I don't know what to do anymore. Any thoughts?

Answer:

I feel very concerned about you. It sounds as though you are lying to everyone who cares about you and is trying to help you. I think you know that this blocks people's efforts to truly help you, yet you must have reasons for doing this.

I hope you will find a way to talk openly with at least one person about this very issue, about how hard it is for you to trust anyone with the truth of what is going on with you. Perhaps it would help to tell someone your thoughts, feelings or fears about revealing some of your pain or your symptoms. You may also want to think about and let the other person know what would help you feel more safe.

I also hope that whomever you choose to confide in is able to help you with this issue of trusting and talking. You may choose to start with your boyfriend or a parent but in any case I hope that you decide to try therapy again. You may want to go back to one of the therapists you have worked with in the past, or check with The Renfrew Center Referral Request Form or Treatment Locator Service--Online Psych for a therapist in your area.

Psychotherapy is a place where it is important to talk about what is really going on, including what is going on in the relationship between you and your therapist. If there are are things that happen, or things that are said that make you feel less comfortable, less able to be open, you need to address that with your therapist. If you have difficulty "telling it like it is" with people in your life, therapy can be a great place to learn and practice how to do that.

When you are able to talk about what is really going on with you, a good therapist is trained and experienced at gently helping you translate your symptoms (anorexia, bulimia, suicide attempts, overexercising) into words. Then you can work together to begin to find new ways to handle the things that are troubling you.