I Can't Disappoint My Parents

Question:

I force myself to throw up at least once every 2 days sometimes 3 times a day. I keep wanting to stop, but I feel soo guilty after I've eaten that I do it again.

I'm a teenager and getting strait A's in all honors classes, in sports, everyone likes me. And my parents are sooo proud of me. Is there any way that I can get help without my parents finding out??? I know I need help, but I can't disappoint my parents, they went through my problems with anorexia with me and I don't want them to go thorugh their child messing up again. I don't want them to think less of me. What do you suggest i should do?

Thank you for your time.

Answer:

It is sad to hear what you are going through with bulimia. It sounds so lonely to have to deal with your feelings and your symptoms in secret.

Many people feel ashamed of their eating disorder and this keeps them from reaching out for the support and help they need. The confidentiality of psychotherapy can allow someone to share the whole truth of who they are including all kinds of feelings, symptoms, and experiences, and this is an important part of the healing process. One goal of therapy is often to be able to open up to other peole who care about you so that you can develop healthy, supportive relationships. Often family therapy is used to help address family issues such as fear of disappointment causing a breakdown in communication. I have been amazed at how much growth and closeness can develop when families engage in family psychotherapy and learn how to help one another in constructive ways.

While an adult can work through issues in the privacy of individual therapy and include family members if and when they feel ready to do so, it is very difficult for a teenager who lives at home to get professional help without the family knowing about it. It may be possible for you to work with a nurse or counselor at your school and request that they keep your meetings confidential. Perhaps they will know of resources in your community. Or maybe they can help you find a way to let your parents know that you need help.

I hope that you can get past your own feelings of disappointment that you continue to suffer with an eating disorder. Recovery from eating disorders is possible and it often takes alot of time and effort. My advice to you is to continue to risk reaching out for help. I hope that your parents and other people in your life will prove to be good allies in your struggle to be a whole and healthy person.