Continuing Recovery

Question:

At times I feel lost without ED, I feel like I have lost a close friend. Ed served a purpose, he helped me through some rough times, but now I'm in control. I would be lying if I said its been easy. One of the hardest times was a few weeks after I left the center. I started back to my old ways of binging, but the purging and over exercising were gone. I realized that that was a big break through, little steps to the big goal. There are times when I want purge/binge or not eat at all, but I think to myself, " is it worth ruining all you have done?"

I believe that God has a plan for us all and somehow ED was in mine! I believe God would never give me something I could not handle. I have used my experience with ED to help others learn more about ED by speaking at schools. I also no longer weigh myself, not even a scale in the house. I can also eat the so called "bad" foods and not feel guilty. Thank you for all your help.

PS I still have problems with body image and self esteem. Are there any good books on these topics? Thanks again.

Answer:

Thank you so much for writing about your experience of recovery. Though we might want to simply "get rid of" an eating disorder, the healing process is usually a complex process of recognizing what the eating disorder has done, both good and bad, facing issues, and a series of little steps: giving up symptoms, practicing new ways of self-care and regaining a sense of connection with oneself and others, as you describe so well. I am glad you are sharing this story with people in your community! It is so important to get out the message that recovery from eating disorders is possible!

You have learned that it is possible and important to ask questions. When you want to purge/binge or restrict, you question the eating disorder mentality, you think about what you really want for yourself, and you no longer look to a scale for an answer. It sounds as though spirituality has also been an important element of recovery for you as it has been for many people.

I invite you to look at our booklist for books about self-esteem and body image, especially Full Lives: Women Who Have Freed Themselves from Food and Weight Obsession by Lindsey Hall and Self-Esteem: Tools for Recovery by Lindsey Hall and Leigh Cohn. I also recommend Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem by Gloria Steinem.

Good luck with your continuing growth!