Am I Relapsing?
Question:
hi, i am a recovering anorexic. i have been recovering since about
january now. i slipped from time to time, but i managed to get back
on track. until the past few days i have been able to control my
ED. everytime i had the urge to starve, or had eating disorder thoughts,
i was able to ignore them. i didn't pay attention to the ED voice.
but, during the past few days, that voice has become stronger, and
my healthy voice quieter. i am usually able to see what is going
on for me that triggers that, but this time i can't. my mood has
been pretty even, and i am not stressed or anything, so i don't
understand why i can't get a hold. i started restricting again,
and i can't stop. i want to so badly. i am sick of hospitals, doctors,
therapy, etc. i just want so badly to live and be normal. but for
some reason, despite all of that, wanting to lose weight is more
powerful. i guess i want to know if this means that i am relapsing.
how can you tell when you have a slip or are relapsing? can a slip
last a few weeks? anyway, thanks for reading.
Answer:
A relapse may be of any length of time, a moment, an hour, a day,
week or longer. It can be identified by a resurgence of eating disorder
thoughts and behaviors. You seem to be experiencing a shift in the
balance of healthy vs. anorexic voices, beliefs, goals and actions.
The journey of recovery from an eating disorder is often characterized
by such shifts, sometimes your desire for health and life is stronger,
sometimes the false promise of the eating disorder as a solution
to life's dilemmas is stronger. Fortunately you recognize that you
have slipped back into the influence of anorexia, which is the first
step back toward recovery.
To end this episode of relapse you can focus on your desire for
health and the ways that anorexia threatens your capacity to have
the life you want to live. As tiresome as it may feel to you at
the moment, however, you are probably going to also need the help
of therapy to understand what has triggered your restricting. I
hope that you will realize that you are worth the time and money
and struggle it may take to get through this and any future relapses
so that you can fulfill your dream of recovery.
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