Wish I Had an Eating Disorder
Question:
My whole life I wanted to be thin, right now I wouldn't call myself
fat but I think I am not thin at all. In a way I wish I had an eating
disorder because I know you lose the weight fast and I just want
to be able to have all the attention and have people worry about
me and wonder if I am anerexic or bulimic. I wish I had one and
I know it's crazy, but I do, and I think I need some help, and I
was wondering if you could help.
Answer:
It is frightening to realize that our culture not only idealizes
and glamorizes thinness, but even eating disorders, as your letter
illustrates. The desire for caring attention, connection in relation
to other people is a basic human need. You deserve to have the attention
you need for your thoughts, your feelings, your questions, your
worries, and your dreams.
It may be that a person with an eating disorder sometimes wins
the attention of other people by causing them to worry, but this
is a very dangerous gamble. An eating disorder risks physical and
mental health and may get a person attention which focuses only
on the disorder and it's associated symptoms and behavior and not
the whole person and who she or he is. Many people who have developed
eating disorders feel that they have become their eating disorder
and neither they themselves nor the people in their lives know who
they are anymore without it.
Please continue to reach out for the support you need and deserve.
I encourage you to find a caring professional in your community
(a counselor, therapist, clergyperson, etc) who can give you attention
for who you are and how you feel, help you better understand your
needs and support you in discovering and practicing healthy ways
to meet your needs.
You may also want to read more about eating disorders. Check out
our booklist, especially, Starving for Attention by Cherry Boone
O'Neill and Your Dieting Daughter, Is She Dying for Attention by
Carolyn Costin.
Good luck in exploring safe ways to feel connected with people
in your life, you are worth the effort.
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