Trauma and Symptoms

Question:

i was raped, my mom had brest cancer, and now im totaly out of it. i have no emotions towards myself. im always willing to help other people. but i never want to help myself. i know that i have an eating disorder and that's why i am asking you what to do. i am not sure if i want help yet, but i guess that this is a start. i don't really know what i want to ask... i guess that i just need someone to talk to. just tell me what i am supposed to do. i feel so unwanted. i think though that i have more then one eating disorder. i do make myself throw up. and there have been days where all that i'll eat only an apple or something. and other times i eat like there's no tomorrow. why am i doing this?? i can't stop though. i really can't. i have tried to. but i can't. just tell me what to do. thanks for listening.

Answer:

I am sorry to hear about your trauma and family health crisis and that you feel unwanted and unfeeling toward yourself. Dealing with either one of these issues would be intense and stressful and you have had to handle both at once. It is not surprising that your usual coping mechanisms have been overwhelmed. Your various eating/not eating/purging behaviors are certainly problematic and yet may have helped distract you from other painful feelings.

Although you seem to be more comfortable helping others, now is a time for you to reach out for help for yourself. It is very important to restore your connection with your own self, but this may take some time. Talking with a psychotherapist can help you sort through your recent crises, symptoms, thoughts and feelings. I encourage you to find an eating disorder specialist in your area (call 1-800-RENFREW for a referral) for support and guidance in understanding your symptoms and developing alternative healthy coping mechanisms.

Please do take care of yourself, you are worth it!