Daughter With Anorexia
Question:
My 18 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with anorexia. She
also suffers from depression and is on Prozac. She is seeing a nutritionist,
a individual therapist and is going into an intensive outpatient
treatment program for eating disorders in a couple of weeks. My
problem is that it is so painful and worrisome for me to see how
little she eats, knowing how her body is being deprived. She has
also become obsessed with walking and is walking 3 times daily for
at least an hour at a time. I am not only a mother, but a registered
nurse and I know what this is doing to her body, but all of the
professionals have told me not to say anything, because that makes
it worse. It is very difficult for me to keep quiet and sometimes
I fail, but I can't sit back and watch her slowly become malnourished.
Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks.
Answer:
Your dilemma sounds truly heartbreaking. There are no easy answers
but I want to support you in finding a balance for yourself in this
situation. It sounds like you have a good plan for your daughter
to get the treatment she needs but you are struggling with what
to do in the meantime.
Your daughter may need some limits regarding her eating and activity
level but ideally they should not come from you. I suggest that
you consult with her physician and ask the physician to set guidelines
for activity and monitor her physical safety.
Nagging your daughter about eating or exercising is unlikely to
help either of you, and yet you cannot, and probably should not,
just sit back and be quiet. You can educate yourself about eating
disorders (see our booklist) and seek a support group for families
and loved ones of people with eating disorders (see Treatment
Locator and Eating Disorder Organizations for local resources
). You can participate in family therapy with your daughter, and
learn from her how you can be most supportive and helpful. You may
want to see a psychotherapist yourself to address the issues that
come up for you in dealing with your daughter's eating disorder.
Your willingness to address your own issues in therapy can be a
powerful inspiration to your daughter as she faces her own hard
work in therapy.
In the meantime, you can listen to your daughter. You can ask your
daughter about herself, what is going on in her life, how she is
feeling, and so on. It is important to find a way to respect what
she is going through, no matter how irrational it may seem to you.
Eating disorder symptoms are a person's attempt to solve some kind
of emotional and/or interpersonal conflict. It can be very painful
to learn what is troubling someone who is struggling with an eating
disorder, but it can make a real difference to that person to know
she is not alone.
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