I Wanted a Baby More
Question:
I've have had problems with eating for 17 years (since I was 14).
I had bulimia in my teens, anorexia and bulimia in my twenties and
now I am 200 pounds because I stopped! I stopped because I got pregnant
and wanted a baby more than I wanted to be thin. I have gained 60
pounds SINCE I had her. I can't stop eating now anymore than I could
start before. I hate myself. It hurts so bad when I come out of
denial that I just GIVE UP. I can't even look in a mirror. My 4
year old will now suffer because her mom is a fat cow and too embarrassed
to go out - too embarrassed to join PTA...Please help, I'd be surprised
if I don't die from everything I've put my body through...
Answer:
Thank you for your letter. It is moving to hear about your long
struggle with eating problems, especially the way that your desire
for a child helped you to overcome your symptoms of anorexia and
bulimia. It sounds as though your desire to be a good mother continues
to motivate you to want to take better care of yourself.
Your story illustrates how much all eating problems have in common.
From what you say in your letter, although your behaviors have changed,
your thoughts and feelings about yourself still revolve around food,
weight and body image. I hope you will seek professional help from
an eating disorder specialist so that you can understand the emotional
issues that have prompted and perpetuated your eating problems over
the past 17 years. Psychotherapy can help you get free of the shame
and self-hatred that is keeping you a prisoner. You can ask your
physician for a referral or contact Eating
Disorders Awareness and Prevention at 1-800-931-2237 or The
Renfrew Center at 1-800-RENFREW for the name of someone in your
area.
Becoming a mother and being a mother is an intense, challenging
and complicated experience. So many feelings, memories, fears, hopes
and wishes are stimulated by motherhood, and also it usually involves
a lot of work. Please do not give up on yourself!!! You have always
deserved the support you need for healing and growth. Now, let your
daughter’s presence in your life be an added inspiration for
you to make time for your own health and happiness.
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