Bright but Bulimic
Question:
I'm a 31 year old mother of 3 who has had bulimia for 15 years.
I do not binge and purge everyday but the days I do it is excessive
and makes it easier to do the next day. I am bright and outgoing,
why can't I take control of this self destructive behavior?
Answer:
Your brief note captures the paradoxical tragedy and hope of the
struggle with an eating disorder so well.
The gifts of intelligence, both the intellectual and the social-emotional
kinds of intelligence that you have, are very valuable. It is common
to think that someone who is bright should be able to solve their
problems simply by applying their intelligence. Willpower or determination
is another important attribute which is thought to be a cureall
for many personal problems. Intelligence is very helpful and determination
can be critical but lasting recovery is usually far more complicated
than just taking control of your bingeing and purging.
Over the past 15 years, bulimia has probably served many different
and important needs in your life. Why not work with a psychotherapist
to understand this coping mechanism and learn other ways to take
care of and express yourself? Check with The Renfrew Center or Something
Fishy for an eating disorders specialist in your area.
Sometimes people feel they do not deserve the help of therapy.
Reasons I have heard include "I can still function", "Other
people are worse off", and "I should be able to do it
myself." I hope you will not let these kinds of feelings or
other obstacles keep you from finding the resources that can help
you take care of and enjoy who you are.
In the meantime, perhaps you can apply some of the interest and
caring you show to others to yourself. It may be helpful to notice
when you do not binge or do not purge. What situations, companions,
feelings enable you to take care of yourself? Can you add more of
these ingredients to your life? Conversely, what besides a previous
day's bulimia, triggers or seems to be associated with beginning
a binge? I encourage you to explore these questions and the issues
they raise with a therapist.
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