Lying About What I (Don’t) Eat
Question:
I'm 11 years old and have been showing symptoms of anorexia lately,
or so my friends and family say. I doubt their conclusions, so I'm
turning to you. I'm about 5'6 and 120 lbs. I restrict myself to
800 calories a day, and this weekend I purged up anything I ate,
no matter how small. I lie constantly about what I didn't eat (saying
I did). I want to be 95 lbs. so I exercise a lot and restrict my
food as I've already stated. I've attempted suicide, and am really
ashamed of myself because I was always such a "good kid."
I expect high things of myself and if I don't meet my expectations
I "punish" myself with food (I.e. not eating) I've gone
easily over 2 days w/o food. I get dizzy spells and feel faint practically
on a daily basis. I just feel so fat and I don't know what to do.
Help me prove that I'm not and they are just worrying over nothing.
It's just a phase!
Your friendly 11 y.o reader
Answer:
I feel concerned about you. You mention that you made a suicide
attempt in the past and even now you are dealing with many difficult
feelings such as shame and disappointment in yourself. If you are
not already working with a therapist to help you understand and
deal with these feelings, I hope you will talk to your parents or
a school counselor about getting into therapy.
In the meantime, it sounds like even though you are worrying about
being fat, and restricting or purging or exercising to the point
that you are dizzy every day, you are telling the people who care
about you that "It’s just a phase". It is not possible
for me to give you a diagnosis over the Internet, but many of the
behaviors and experiences you describe are characteristic of eating
disorders, including your distorted body image, and your belief
or wish that none of these things are problematic. It sounds as
though you need a consultation with an experienced professional
to get a valid assessment.
I imagine that lying constantly takes a lot of energy and that
keeping your true feelings or experiences secret leaves you feeling
lonely. There are probably powerful reasons why you hesitate to
share what is going on with you with the people in your life. Talking
honestly with a therapist or counselor who is not a part of your
family or social life may be much easier. A professional who knows
how to help people with emotional and relationship problems can
help you not only to face the things that are bothering you, but
also begin to do something about them.
I hope you are able to reach out to get the help you need.
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